Update as of 3-20-11.

Whats going on.
Uhm.
I didn't cut 100 days.
(NEW RECORD! woot.)
Then, of course, me and my dad got into it again and I ended up doing it.
Shit was already tough because me and this guy become not close anymore and I lost my best friend and yeah.
So I did it once and it was kinda bad.
and The next day in P.E. we were doing pull ups testing.
Apparently, your wrists have to be facing out. -______-
I was unaware.
But my teacher saw and told the school.
I got called in the couselors office 3 times until a week later the bitch called my dad.
I'm currently on suicide watch.
If I do anything more, or anything alarming, then I go back to Vista Del Mar.
And my grades are sucking, and nobody friggin understands me.
Woop.
-_____-
FMLx10.

:/ ugh.
Lord, save my soul.

-(TheOne&Only)rachelleeashlee</3.

Love Knows.

I will not be
just another notch on your belt.
because, 'sweetie,'
it's love that I felt.

You say that you're a flirt.
But I know
you won't just kick me into the dirt.
Together, our hearts can grow.

I tried to runaway
but I found out
that my heart wants me to stay.
So your name, I again shout.

-rachelleeashlee<3.

BrainJuice: Someday.

Draw me a skyline, and take me all the way.

Color me a rainbow, and help me make it fly.

Buy me a white dress, and make me feel like im the only girl in the room.

Show me what love is, then help me keep it around.

Make me a gum wrapper heart, and put it in my pocket each day.

Sketch me happiness, and fill in the lines.

Build me a home, and keep me safe inside.

Design me my love, and let’s create that together.

I will have a happy ending someday, I just have to find him first.

-rachelleeashlee<3.

Dearest Depression

Dearest Depression,
you no longer hold me down.
Bound in your chains I am not.
Finally smiling over frowning,
A reward for as long as I have fought.

Dearest Depression,
Twelve weeks cut free,
a new addition to my story.
But something new for me;
a chapter of glory!

Dearest Depression,
I thank you,
for making me who I am now.
Though I've made it through,
I'm still a little scared somehow.

But I have the strength to fight through anything, now.

-rachelleeashlee<3.

Fake.

I show my fake
ugly little smile.
But my hands shake
fearful, like they have for a while.

I mask what I'm feeling
to please my peers.
But loss of my well-being
is one of my greatest fears.

I wish I had something
to be proud of for myself.
But I've got nothing
besides some paintings on the shelf.

I feel like a passer by
you see me and thats all.
But maybe more than just, "Hi"
could make my awful mask fall.


-rachelleeashlee<3.

--BTW. Ten weeks and Four days cut free.--

Why can't I stop?

Once again

Broken hearts beating fast.

I feel insane

for letting this last.

You don't love me.

But I love you.

I should set myself free,

because none of this is true.

I'd give you it all
over and over
But I know i'll fall.
Yet I still want to be your lover.

Just one more kiss.
I'm setting myself up,
and i know this.
So, why can't I stop?

(..I worry for my wrists.)

-rachelleeashlee<3.

Love or Lust

Broken hearts beating fast,

Our bodies pressed together.

Hoping this moment will last,

Knowing this could end forever.

Clothes stripping, 

Heat rising.

Sheets flipping,

Love disguising.

My heart is in this,

but only mine,

and not his.

at least, he doesn't show a sign.

 I want to ask you

if it could be

that you love me, too.

'Baby, Do you love me?'

-rachelleeashlee<3.